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Best (or worst) Christmas Cracker Jokes

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? How did the human cannonball lose his job? Love them or hate them, Christmas dinner just wouldn’t be the same without cracker jokes! Our Christmas Elves have put together a list of the best and worst jokes we could think of to get your family laughing – or groaning – on Christmas day.

The Worst

Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with!

How did the human cannonball lose his job?
He got fired!

Which type of dog has no tail?
A hotdog!

What do you get if you cross a cat with a lemon?
A sourpuss!

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age!

Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
It blew away!

What kind of room has no windows or doors?
A mushroom!

The Best

Why can’t a bike stand up by itself?
Because it’s two-tyred!

What did the tortoise say while standing on an ice block?
I’m slow cold!

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara Desert?
Lost!

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?
Do you think he saw us?

What goes oh, oh oh?
Santa walking backwards!

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!